


You Play with My Heart

by orphan_account



Series: Honey Sweet || Jaehyungparkian Drabbles [2]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dom YoungK, Eating Disorders, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Relationship Problems, Sub Jae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 16:24:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15513801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jae sees something horrific and reverts back to his old habits, he doesn't want Brian to help.





	You Play with My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Read with Caution: Bulimia   
> (stay safe)

"Hyung, you have to come home. We're just gonna talk," Sungjin's voice rang out from the tinny speaker, echoing across the mirrored walls of the practise room. The mirrors reflected a sorry looking figure, slumped over beside an increasingly growing pile of his own vomit.

"No," Jae was said sorry figure, sat against one of these walls, his eyes red and swollen. He had long since taken his contact lenses out and now everything was blurred. His glasses were somewhere in his bag but he didn't have the energy to find them. It didn't matter though. Nothing did.

The speaker crackled once more, "As your leader, I'm telling you to come back to the dorm, Jae, I suggest you listen." The firm tone was detracted from by the terror radiating from his leader's voice. 

"Or what? You gonna get one of our dongsaengs to come find me?" He laughed, but it was a cold sound, the contrast confused the man in the other end of the phone who went silent for a few minutes.

When Sungjin went to reply, Jae hung up. He wasn't ready to face this yet.

The dry sobs overtook him once again, his mouth open in a retch as he tried to heave up the contents of his stomach. Nothing was coming out, so he just screamed instead. The sound was hideous. But he needed something, anything to distract him from the pain in his head.

But Brian had been with a girl. Brian, the only person who had ever managed to make him feel like he was worth anything at all. And he had been very, very close with her. Jae had watched him kiss her before he fled, ignoring the texts that came through frantically in the hour following. He just wanted to be alone. Just to make a bigger mess of his mucked up self.

"Shit," he groaned, his vision beginning to swim as his body started to give in. He put his hands out but couldn't feel the floor beneath them, it was all too numb.

He came back around to the sterile lighting of the practise room. His ears were still wringing and he couldn't see because he didn't have his glasses and who knows how long he had been there. A puddle of his sick lay beside him and he could feel the knots in his hair. His entire body was numb and his tongue felt heavy in his mouth. His legs were bent beneath him but he couldn't tell if it was comfortable or not. It was too much effort to do anything so he just stayed there, staring at the scuffed linoleum. Questioning whether or not it was even worth trying anymore.

It could have been hours or maybe even seconds before Jae propped himself back up against the wall. 

Everything hurt.

With trembling fingers he pulled out his phone, the screen was horrendously bright on his sore eyes. The artificial glow made him saying. He couldn't really see what he was doing but he fumbled his way into his speed dial.

"Hello?" The concern in the voice was tangible even in Jae's gone state.

"Jinnie," He croaked out.

"Oh my god, Jae. Where are you?"

It was so hard to hear, the words went in and out and spun and Jae could barely respond, "Practise room," he paused before the rest of his slurred response, "With stars." The only defining feature swim on the ceiling above him as he tried to find something to hook his mind onto.

"On the ceiling?" The response was frantic, Jae vaguely registered the sound of Sungjin's heavy footsteps through the phone.

He nodded but the action made everything spin and he regretted it immediately, it hadn't even been necessary, "Yeah." 

The line went dead and Jae was left alone with his thoughts yet again. Nothing left to hold onto.

"Hyung?" 

He gave a vague hum to portray his acknowledgment. He missed the panic in Sungjin's usually collected eyes and the slight gasp his leader gave upon seeing the state of the older boy. 

He also missed the slightly taller figure who entered behind him. It was silent as Sungjin and Brian cleaned up the sick, neither knowing what to say and Jae barely lucid enough to produce a coherent thought; let alone sentences. He wanted Brian gone but he wasn't strong enough to even give a vague inkling of that.  
But when Brian went to pick him up and coddle him - show him that he was here and that loved Jae and that everything was going to be okay, he just needed to hold on - Jae's hand limply batted him away.

"Not you," he couldn't remember it in Korean so he just allowed the English to slip out - the two words mixed together, but the message was clear enough. Brian looked hurt for a split second but pushed it behind his indifferent mask. Jae missed the two boys share a glance as Sungjin scooped his tangle of limbs up, choosing instead to fall limp in Sungjin's arms and allow himself to be carried upstairs.

He was placed down on the sticky vinyl of the cheap sofa and a gentle hand wipe was used to clean his face. His jeans were peeled off his legs and replaced with sweatpants, the thin tee shirt remaining to provide some semblance of warmth. 

Sungjin fed him black bean soup carefully. Jae tried to cooperate but his body just wouldn't follow his instructions. He fell asleep about halfway through the bowl and allowed the darkness to comfort him. Nothing else would be able to.

~ 

When the morning came on the second day of Jae's desperate slumber, he finally awoke. And he felt fine. Well, as fine as you could feel after seeing you boyfriend with another girl and forcefully emptying your stomach.

"Hey, doll," Jae's entire being tried to melt at the nickname but he didn't allow himself to fall. He was still hung up on what he had seen. He just needed his dominant to leave him alone for two minutes.

Instead he grumbled, "Don't call me that."

He could feel Brian getting vaguely annoyed. But he wasn't going to be punished by him. Not after he'd been so sick. Not for something that minor. Jae wouldn't even let Brian touch him; not after what Brian had done. 

Brian ignored Jae's obvious discomfort and continued to study the older boy, "What happened?" It was a dry question but still absolutely loaded.

Jae sighed and stood up, making his decision obvious through his words, "I really don't wanna talk about this with you."

Brian couldn't hide his surprise at that. But he knew that Jae knew what he needed. He often made decisions for the older, but somehow today was very different. He left the room and returned with Sungjin. The leader was clearly confused, Jae and Brian usually figured out their lives together, leaving him to take care of the maknaes. But who was he to deny Jae of his rights as a member of the group? This was part of his job. 

"Brian, could you leave us please?" Jae asked, basically immediately. Sungjin didn't miss the pain in Brian's eyes as he nodded firmly. He also noted the slight waver of Jae's tone.  
Sungjin gestured towards Jae, encouraging him to speak. He didn't even to bother to try and hide his confusion anymore. They all knew something was up. 

Jae's usually energetic voice was subdued, "I saw him with a girl." It was one sentence that told Sungjin a whole lot. Jae's actions and mood and entire being made sense. Well, almost everything.

It was hard for him to say it, but he knew how Jae coped with things. It wasn't a secret.

"Was it... was the sick just-"

Jae cut him off, "No," his voice shook slightly, "No, Jinnie, it was on purpose."

"Oh, hyung."

"I'm sorry," tears dropped down his cheeks, "I'm so sorry."

Jae and Sungjin stayed in silence together for almost an hour, finding some sort of comfort with one another.

~ 

Jae wasn't oblivious, he knew that Brian was trying to get him alone, but he was avoiding that with everything in his heart. 

He missed Brian, but he couldn't face him. Maybe in fifty years. Maybe never.

But it was just Jae's luck that the maknaes decided to treat Sungjin that night. Just his luck that he was left alone in the dorm with Brian and no way out. No feeble excuse to be made to help him run away from his problems again. The fabric of the bedsheets were bunched up in his hands, a bond holding him to reality. Everything just hurt.  
A knock on the door startled him from his thoughts.

"Jae? I think we need to talk." Brian's eyes were bloodshot, his finger nails destroyed from where he'd been biting them - a habit Jae often scolded him for.

The older couldn't help but to let the tears spill down his own cheeks as he let out a choked, "Yeah."

"Baby," his eyes flew open at the pet name, Brian had no right, not after everything, he had absolutely no right to call Jae a nickname with such love, "She was nobody."

So Sungjin did tattle. Jae shouldn't have been surprised, it was probably somewhere in his contract as a leader. Of course she was nobody. That explained everything didn't it? No. That would not do as an explanation.

"Why'd you kiss her then?"

"I kissed her cheek, Jae," he sounded slightly irked, "You of all people should know about fan service."

And it all made so much more sense. Jae's mind immediately began to work overtime before finally a soft oh fell from his lips.

"I'm sorry, Sir," he started frantically, in a way that suggested he could be rambling for quite some time. The name alone meant Jae thought he was in the wrong, but Brian knew he wasn't. Jae's eyes were blown wide open and he looked so scared.

Brian hushed the boy, "I know, baby, you don't need to say anything. It's all okay. It was my fault, not yours. It was my fault."

But Jae didn't want Brian to blame himself.

Jae flung himself onto Brian's lap, his wiry arms wrapping around the younger's neck and clinging tightly. A muffled whimper of apology was heard once again. 

"Sir's got you, baby, I'm never leaving. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

It was a brittle kind of love that night, the kind that makes you wonder whether or not it's worth it. Sometimes existence feels pointless. Sometimes love can't help. But sometimes it can. Sometimes things can end up being alright. 

Two broken boys held each other until dawn. Sprawling limbs intertwined and bare skin rubbing upon bare skin anytime movement took place. Their tears mixed together but it was okay. It would always be okay.


End file.
